This summer, Coca-Cola launched the second season of its ShareACoke campaign, in which all of their labels were imprinted, not with the iconic logo of this all-American brand, but with a stranger’s name: Zach, Brandon, Makayla, and, more than likely, Hussein. The message here was clear: Although it was your hard earned $1.25 that purchased twenty ounces of that fizzing pop, although you broke your back to make that cash, although that patriotic one-dollar bill and that precious quarter are composed of paper, metal alloy, and your blood, sweat, and tears, it now belongs to someone else. In fact, it has their name written all over it. Who is the lucky recipient of your involuntary charity? Who is this individual with their hand out and their mouth ever so slightly ajar? Maybe an immigrant. Maybe a Muslim. Maybe even a Muslim immigrant. And guess what? That Muslim immigrant is making you thirsty.
Republicans demand to know who was behind this communist scheme, and they demand to know it was President Obama.
It’s no secret that President Obama is a slow-talking Marxist (and that he has big ears). What remains to be seen is how he got his socialist meat-hooks into this nationalistic corporation. What was once a chemical beverage emblem for the United States of America now promotes the very cyanide of our beloved capitalism: compulsory donation. These labels are not a suggestion. There are no question marks following those needy names. No ellipsis. It isn’t “Mom?” Or “Mom…” These labels are a firm declaration of false ownership. It’s welfare, personalized and carbonated.
They might as well follow the names with exclamation points.