I’ve surpassed 2,000 followers. That’s like the population of a Manhattan apartment building! And judging by the search engine terms that brought you to my site, you guys are even edgier and more eclectic. Here are the strangest of the search terms, excluding the ones that are too strange (disturbing) to publicize. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
Mouth pedicure slave: I think the phrase you’re searching for, sir, is dental hygienist.
Guy doing pedicures + slave: Now, is the guy ALSO a slave, or do you want a male to do your pedicure BESIDE your slave? Weirdo.
Stripper body odor: You’re into some strange stuff.
Adult bathing in a bucket: REALLY strange stuff.
Sexy elephant: REALLY, REALLY strange stuff.
Female without clothing: What an articulate and precise way to search for porn.
Order strippers to the Waldorf Astoria: Sounds like one classy bachelor party. Hopefully you figured out the whole stripper body odor dilemma.
What to do with my beauty: I suggest you use it for good, not for evil.
I knew I shouldn’t have shown off on the dance floor: Why?? What happened???
How to be fat and look good in a one-piece: I might be able to help you figure out the first part. The solution to the second part still eludes me.
Pee in the ocean today?: Eh, I don’t feel like it today. Maybe tomorrow.
Abandoned Warehouse: Hopefully you’re a contractor searching for a place to renovate into lofts, and not a serial killer looking for a place to dump bodies.
If buying a vibrator from Groupon, will it be in discrete packaging: Groupon will be discrete. I will not. You are outed, you fiscal pleasure seeker!
Count Munch and the Wicked Witch: What the hell kind of fairytales are you reading, and where can we find them?
Terrifying feathered dinosaurs: Yes! “Bird” is a euphemism. This is accurate.
Celebrities doing chores: I, too, would like to see this.
No pants subway ride tighty whities: Sounds like you were ready for some interesting images. I fear I disappointed you.
Authentic brawd: I’m flattered that I was the result of this search term. So flattered, maybe it’ll be the title of my next book!
For you longtime followers, allow me to draw your attention to an added tab on the site: my Merchandise Shop! Here you’ll find T’s and mugs with quotes from my book. If you have a quote you’d like made into an item, feel free to submit a request!