Come on, all the writers are doing it…

Yes, I know, another blog. Another person’s virtual journal of everything from ruminations to recipes that will clog up your newsfeed, reel, and bookmarks. Just what the cybersphere needed. But if it wasn’t going to be me, it was going to be your cousin or your college roommate or your neighbor’s dog. So I figured, why not? Let it be me.

Blogs are to writers what marijuana was to my high school class. You have to try it at least once. Oh, you already did? Well, it doesn’t work the first time for a lot of people. Try it again. Well, here I am, trying it again. Inhale, hold, exhale. (Unless of course you’re Bill Clinton.) (I apologize for the second parenthetical aside, but it’s important for me to mention, since my parents are undoubtedly going to read this, that the above analogy is based purely on hearsay.)

All of the loyal readers of my last blog (at least two or three people) have asked me why I stopped posting. The truth is that the well of my wedding subject matter ran dry. There were only so many angles I could come at cakes and satin, and then I said “I do” and really stopped caring about the entire enterprise. The theme of this blog, writing, will provide much more elbow room, mainly because the posts all have to be written, so the very act of blogging will cover the criteria of the theme. How’s that for strategy?

The ulterior motive here is to garner a small country’s population of avid and devoted readers so that if I end up having to self-publish the novel I’m working on, I’ll have a secured a large enough customer base to careen me to the top of Amazon’s best seller list. I’m kidding, of course, so you should send this blog link to your friends so they can see how funny I am.

Now that I’ve introduced myself and my get-famous mission statement, I’m going to close with a shout out to the handful of Weddings The New Way readers by wrapping up the final unique approaches I took to my wedding last June.

1) Most brides prefer to tie the knot beneath a clear blue sky. I say, don’t be afraid of the atypical pouring rain. It herds guests quickly from church to reception hall, and then traps them inside so that they’re forced to either watch me dance or dance themselves.

2) You can repeat your vows perfectly, OR you can mix it up by watching the groom deliver them flawlessly and then drawing a complete blank on your turn. Trust me, blinking wordlessly on the altar is a real crowd-pleaser.

3) Sure, a cruise to the Caribbean or a week-long paradise vacation in Hawaii are both great honeymoon choices. But for the more adventurous newlyweds, don’t be afraid to venture into a protest-ridden European city during an economic crisis, like Athens, Greece in June 2011. Whether you’re crying from joy or tear gas, one thing is for sure: you’ll never hold your hubby’s hand tighter than when you’re running from a police brigade brandishing riot shields and automatic weapons, yelling the only Greek you know: Kalispera, kalispera! Good evening, good evening! 

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9 thoughts on “Come on, all the writers are doing it…

  1. Our pastor asked me – without previous warning – to not only repeat the vows, but also translate them on the spot from Portuguese to English. So I had to think about not screwing up the Portuguese, translating everything accurately into English, speaking loudly enough into the microphone even though I was shaking, and, oh yeah, that whole “I’m making an eternal commitment” thing!

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