The Lonely Broken Road That Led You Straight To Me

Google-search

I’ve surpassed 2,000 followers. That’s like the population of a Manhattan apartment building! And judging by the search engine terms that brought you to my site, you guys are even edgier and more eclectic. Here are the strangest of the search terms, excluding the ones that are too strange (disturbing) to publicize. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.

Mouth pedicure slave: I think the phrase you’re searching for, sir, is dental hygienist.

Guy doing pedicures + slave: Now, is the guy ALSO a slave, or do you want a male to do your pedicure BESIDE your slave? Weirdo.

Stripper body odor: You’re into some strange stuff.

Adult bathing in a bucket: REALLY strange stuff.

Sexy elephant: REALLY, REALLY strange stuff.

Female without clothing: What an articulate and precise way to search for porn.

Order strippers to the Waldorf Astoria: Sounds like one classy bachelor party. Hopefully you figured out the whole stripper body odor dilemma.

What to do with my beauty: I suggest you use it for good, not for evil.

I knew I shouldn’t have shown off on the dance floor: Why?? What happened???

How to be fat and look good in a one-piece: I might be able to help you figure out the first part. The solution to the second part still eludes me.

Pee in the ocean today?: Eh, I don’t feel like it today. Maybe tomorrow.

Abandoned Warehouse: Hopefully you’re a contractor searching for a place to renovate into lofts, and not a serial killer looking for a place to dump bodies.

If buying a vibrator from Groupon, will it be in discrete packaging: Groupon will be discrete. I will not. You are outed, you fiscal pleasure seeker!

Count Munch and the Wicked Witch: What the hell kind of fairytales are you reading, and where can we find them?

Terrifying feathered dinosaurs: Yes! “Bird” is a euphemism. This is accurate.

Celebrities doing chores: I, too, would like to see this.

No pants subway ride tighty whities: Sounds like you were ready for some interesting images. I fear I disappointed you.

Authentic brawd: I’m flattered that I was the result of this search term. So flattered, maybe it’ll be the title of my next book!

_________________________________________

For you longtime followers, allow me to draw your attention to an added tab on the site: my Merchandise Shop! Here you’ll find T’s and mugs with quotes from my book. If you have a quote you’d like made into an item, feel free to submit a request!

13 thoughts on “The Lonely Broken Road That Led You Straight To Me

  1. I can’t help but wonder what some* of these people who entered those search terms looked like while they sat at their computer. I am picturing pretty much the same for all of them. I’ll spare you the gross details.

    *Some, not all – some of those are perfectly valid searches…like the vibrator one. That’s a good question.

  2. Thanks for the tag highlights – your popular phrases make for an Enquirer meets NY Post collaboration. Big kudos and congrats on hitting 2,000. Keep combining the strange and bizarre, who knows, there may be a presidential candidacy in your future.
    AnnMarie
    new blogger skipping around blogworld with my clothes on

  3. I’m just a few posts into my new blogging experience. This blows my mind! How in the heck do these searches lead people to your site? lol Granted I’ve not read all of your posts so maybe the random inquires will make more sense?

  4. Oh man, I nearly peed my pants reading these. I snorted more than once, and a few times I clapped my hands like a seal while doing that laugh where you can only hear the air being expelled, but not the actual laugh.

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