My Pre-Cana Questionnaire

My friend was recently telling us about the 156 question standardized compatibility test he and his fiance were required to take by their parish as part of a pre-cana course. The questions encompassed topics including finances, sex, lifestyle expectations, and gender roles. Inspired by this, I decided to design my own pre-cana quiz that I believe can evaluate a couple’s suitability in only 15 questions. Feel free to apply this questionnaire to your own relationship– unless of course you are already married and aren’t in the mood for bad news.

1) Do you and your partner watch the same television shows? If not, are they scheduled at different times? If not, are you willing to invest in Tivo?

2) Do either you or your partner enjoy cooking? If the answer is no, are either you or  your partner willing to pay the other to perform this service in the currency of massage or dish cleaning? (This question can be applied to dusting and sweeping as well)

3) Are you and your partner comfortable sleeping in the same temperature? If not, have you made the necessary precautions by providing the colder one with flannel pajamas and a blanket reserve?

4) Do you and your partner both enjoy lying on the beach doing nothing? If one of you does not, can that individual entertain him/herself without nagging me, I mean, the other person, about being bored?

5) Can you and your partner finish a gallon of milk in a week? If the answer is no, will you take the gamble and buy that gallon and end up dumping the excess sour milk week after week, or will you relent and go with the half-gallon?

6) Have you and your partner evaluated the closet space in your future habitation? If there is not room enough for both of your clothes, have you secured a dresser for the man’s less important wardrobe?

7) Can one of you iron? Do you know which of your clothes will melt upon application of direct heat?

8) If you are planning on having children, do either of you think it’s acceptable to allow a child to run around Starbucks screaming while neighboring consumers are quietly trying to write a blog?

9) Speaking of coffee, do you and your partner both enjoy the same brand of beans? If one of you drinks Dunkin Donuts and the other Starbucks, have you already registered for two coffeemakers to keep on opposite sides of the kitchen?

10) If one of you is lactose intolerant but still insists on eating ice cream once in a while, does the other person have a sense of smell?

11) If one of you is an impassioned Democrat and the other a right-winged Republican, have you already cancelled the wedding?

12) If you are a dog person, have you asked your partner if he/she likes cats? (The answer may surprise you.)

13) If one of you likes meat on pizza and the other does not, do both of you realize that even doing half-meat makes the entire pie taste like sausage?

14) If one of you is a stingy tipper, has the other perfected the art of leaving extra money on the table when the cheapo goes to the bathroom?

15) Oh yeah, and are either of you employed? Do you share the same religious beliefs? Have you discussed family planning? Do you like your in-laws? blah blah blah

18 thoughts on “My Pre-Cana Questionnaire

  1. Great blog! I should have used your questionnaire in my relationships! It would have saved me an awful lot of time and headaches.

  2. Haha, too funny! And so true. Every couple should take this test prior to their vows to spend the rest of their lives together. It could save a lot of people a lot of money and time.

  3. Another great blog Alena! Number 10 is my favorite. In my case, I would replace “ice cream” with “salmon”.

  4. This will be foundation of any new relationship of mine haha.
    The milk one especially…I drink so much though that an entire gallon may be possible anyway! Us British and our tea…

  5. Very funny, but, I suspect that not all readers know what pre-cana means, or that its a preparatory ritual for marriage in the Roman Catholic faith. I wish you’d included the original RCC questions to contrast with your wonderful and irreverent humor, as it might have made it even funnier. My brother, who married into a deeply entrenched Catholic family, mentioned the pre-cana thing to me. He said “they asked if I could perform my “husbandly duties” and I had no idea what they were talking about”. It turns out they were asking if he was willing and able to procreate; i.e., have sex with his future wife. Who Knew? I though they were asking if he could put out the garbage or check the air pressure in the tires!!!

  6. Married 14 years, and, extrapolating from your questions, it sounds like I dodged a bunch of bullets without realizing!

    Since you’re dying to know, she cooks and I iron.

  7. The most important question of all: do you squeeze the toothpaste from the top or bottom of the tube? Does your significant other squeeze the toothpaste in the same place? How can two people co-exist if they cannot squeeze together?

    In fact, the minister should just hand a toothbrush and tube of toothpaste to each one of the couple and if they squeeze at different locations on the tube, just tell them to keep looking as the relationship is doomed!

  8. I love your blog! It cracks me up! In fact, I have nominated you for a “Versatile Blogger Award”! Stop by my blog to see how to get your badge and for the rules that go along with it. It’s easy…I promise! http://duff114.wordpress.com/ Congratulations and keep up the good work! I look forward to reading more of your posts!

  9. Pingback: My Pre-Cana Questionnaire « One Week to Crazy

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s